What a whirlwind of ups and downs emotionally, physically, and mentally the last month or two have been. Looking back, I can hardly remember thanksgiving (other than it was very small), Christmas was here and gone in a blink, David’s 50th birthday was three days before Christmas, and the anniversary of his death was last week. Then of course throw in an election that seems like it’s lasted for months and months, all the upheaval in the country, and covid vaccine info and availability stories. I have felt so uneasy in every part of my life.

Questions like who do I believe to give me truth? Is Covid going to find me like it has many people I know? Should I take the vaccine and is it safe? How can I get through celebrating David’s birthday and remembering his death and still land on my feet, and be somewhat sane in the process. I will be honest with you all…. I haven’t done a great job surviving some days. One day the tears flow freely, other days I feel paralyzed, and yet other days I think I can do this! Finding a little corner of the world to crawl into and stay there until things are better sounds more appealing every day.

This reminds me of someone I love who told me about a time in his life when things were so difficult for him to face that he would close his eyes and imagine he was in a bomb shelter. He would mentally stay in there until he felt like it was safe to come out.

I did not find or imagine a bomb shelter, instead I had a huge emotional break down and made myself physically sick and emotionally drained. In the aftermath, I searched my soul for answers and talked to my counselor who has helped me navigate grief this year. The answer as to why I am so spun up and fearful is because once again in my life I’m depending on myself. Expecting me to have answers to things completely out of my control. Dreading and dwelling on the “what-if’s”. Trying to read into the future so I won’t get any surprises. Guess how that has worked out for me. NOT WELL AT ALL!!

My dear friends…..just as all through the Bible we know the history of many people who tried and failed on their own and were driven to the only ONE who can bring peace, comfort, is sovereign over all things (including vaccines, covid, elections, and future events), and is TRUTH, I finally am in the process of throwing those bombs out of the shelter I’m trying to find or build for myself.

Psalm 33:11 says: “The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart to all generations.”

Isaiah 46:9-10: “I am God, and there is none like Me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things that are not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure.’”

He tells us to talk to Him. It is not a suggestion. We are not to wait until we crash and burn in exhaustion and fear. I cannot even fathom how much I could have avoided if I had turned to Him first and STAYED connected. His love is so deep for YOU AND ME that He promises to help us.

It is a daily struggle for me. It is a sin not to pray and He assures us in 2 Chronicles 7:14 that He hears our prayers. He knows what we are going through, but still wants us to remember that He knows and to cry out. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to bare your soul about everything. I can tell you letting it ALL out is cleansing. Turning things over to the only ONE who can answer our prayers will change our daily lives and our future lives.

As people who confess our faith in Christ, we should be living with joy. David Jeremiah said, “Let’s not run short on joy. All we need to do is turn our eyes heavenward—and celebrate what we see.” The key question for us here is, when we look upward what or who are we seeing? We should be seeing the ONE who has saved us, loves us, forgives us, helps us, and never leaves us to figure things out. He has already done that. He has conquered once and for all. We are the receivers of all his grace, mercy, and blessings.

I suspect you may be having some of the same feelings I am experiencing. It may not be over the same issues, but could be potential bombs of some other kind going on for you. Our future is already laid out and we can trust the ONE who created us, and knew us before we were born, to complete His plans for our lives. Even these hard times are for a purpose and we must not cave in. We must take one step after the other. There is work in the kingdom of God to be done. He will be returning soon. Praise Jesus! 😊

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